As the candidates bring their messages to places like Ohio and Florida and Ohio and, uh, Florida, it becomes clear that the election is really all about graduating with top honors from the Electoral College. So here are some suggestions to improve presidential elections under this College system.
All presidential campaign attack ads must be done in MLA equivalent with full citation and a bibliography of valid sources supporting their claims at the end.
Institute an Electoral College Greek system for the states. Then on election eve all the Blue states can throw parties and invite the Red states, or vice versa. Then everyone will just be too hung-over on election day to figure out all that state electoral vote allotment stuff and hey, what the heck, whoever gets the most votes can actually be president, whatever man, just get me some aspirin.
Presidential candidates must run their entire campaigns to win the Electoral College on the current maximum allowance for Pell grants. This won't take the big money out of campaigns, but it should make politicians find miraculous loopholes to raise individual Pell grant maximums to $250 million dollars. Heck, then real college students will be able to pay for half of their text books and top ramen all at the same time.
Presidential candidates must share an Electoral College dorm room for the entire campaign season. That should teach them to get along, or kill them. No reporters come in the room when a tie is hung on the doorknob, please.
Presidential candidates must personally pay back the full amount spent on graduating them from the Electoral College. As long as they are still serving as President AND meeting their campaign promises, no collections will begin. If they actually manage to work in public service their full term as President, then the "loan" will be dismissed.
On a partisan note, it's a shame the Electoral College won't be decided by the candidates' actual college performance. Then, Bush could cheer from the sidelines as Kerry wins every state.
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