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December 10, 2008 12:35 PM

Powerless Rankings: Knives, lies and bribes

Our weekly tracking of the 10 most hapless stories in sports:

10. Oscar De La Hoya
Comment: Went down in weight to get pounded by Manny Pacquiao, who practically had to jump into the air to hit him. Here's guessing De La Hoya retires and becomes the next athlete on "Dancing With The Stars."

9. Kevin McHale
Comment: The terrible GM is now the coach. Sounds a lot like the Isiah Thomas route to getting fired.

8. Derrick Rose
Comment: The star rookie point guard has finally done something wrong. He claims he sliced his forearm by -- get this! -- rolling onto a knife while eating an apple in bed. Somewhere, Plaxico Burress is smiling.

7. Dominic Raiola
Comment: He wants to fight Lions fans who have the audacity to ridicule their 0-13 team. The nerve of those fans, eh? Perhaps Raiola, a center, should focus his anger on someone else, like the opposing nose tackle.

6. Tyrone Willingham
Comment: He's currently soliciting job offers from downtrodden programs.

5. Jim Zorn
Comment: His wonderful start is yielding to a nightmarish finish. And now his best player, Clinton Portis, is mocking his "genius." Can you see irrational owner Daniel Snyder inching his finger closer to the eject button?

4. Auburn officials
Comment: A contingent of the fan base is upset that they forced coach Tommy Tuberville out and lied about it, claiming he quit. Surprised? Sounds like typical Auburn business to me.

3. NFL layoffs
Comment: When the NFL cuts 14 percent of its staff, you know we're in an economic crisis.

2. O.J. Simpson
Comment: What's worse: That he went to jail for being so stupid? Or that ESPN televised his sentencing? May we never hear about Orenthal James Simpson again.

1. Gov. Rob Blagojevich
Comment: In addition to trying to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat, the Illinois governor wanted to use the Cubs sale as leverage for better editorial treatment from the Chicago Tribune. A candidate for the "Powerless" Hall of Shame, for certain.

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