Now for some important news. The prescription drug problems of rocker and TV star Ozzy Osbourne and radio talking head Rush Limbaugh have been much reported. Until now, though, no one has bothered to point out the differences. So here are some ways Ozzy and Rush are not alike:
-- Ozzy is not under investigation for felony drug offenses.
-- Ozzy is not whining that his problems are “politically inspired.”
-- Ozzy didn’t buy drugs illegally from his maid. (1)
-- Ozzy didn’t launder money. (1)
-- Ozzy had one doctor prescribing too many pills; Rush had several. (1)
-- Ozzy didn’t describe Jerry Garcia as “just one more dead doper.”
-- Ozzy never claimed he wasn’t a hypocrite.
-- Ozzy realized he had a drug problem.
-- Ozzy knows (or at least knew) the words to “Paranoid.” (2)
-- Ozzy may be big, fat and an idiot, but no one's ever called him that in a book title. (3)
-- Rush never snorted a line of red ants. (4)
-- Rush never bit off the head of a bat. At least as far as I know. (5)
Which one has better hair? Ozzy? Or Rush? You decide.
Have other comparisons? E-mail me at email@example.com
(1) Attention dittoheads: Yes, I know these are allegations, not proved facts, as they relate to Rush.
(2) Hat tip to blogger Tom Bogg for this one.
(3) Hat tip to seattletimes.com colleague Mark Deichmiller.
(4) Hat tip to seattletimes.com colleague James Blethen.
(5) Hat tip to seattletimes.com colleague Joy Jernigan.