“The American ideal, after all, is that everyone should be as much alike as possible.”
{James Baldwin (1924–1987), African-American author; in Notes of a Native Son, pt. 2 (1955). “The Harlem Ghetto,” first published in Commentary (New York, Feb. 1948)}
My fellow Northwesterners, we have a choice to make this fall. And no, it’s not just an election decision between John Kerry and George Bush…or between John Edwards and Dick Cheney…or even who we want as Washington State’s governor, senators, or representatives.
It’s a choice of who we want as First Lady. That’s right. Which of the two wives of the major candidates do you want to be America’s Top Mom and all-round symbol of American Womanhood? Now, we have two possible alternatives.
Here are our contenders and their backgrounds:
(Information taken from www.johnkerry.com and www.georgewbush.com, respectively.)
Maria Teresa Thierstein Simoes-Ferreira Heinz Kerry
“Teresa Simoes-Ferreira (Heinz) Kerry was born and raised in Mozambique in East Africa. She received a Bachelor of Arts degree in romance languages and literature (French, Italian, and Portuguese) from the University of the Witwatersrand in Johannesburg, South Africa. She speaks five languages. After graduating from the Interpreters School of the University of Geneva, she worked for the United Nations in New York…”
And…
Laura Welch Bush
“Laura Bush was born on November 4, 1946, in Midland, Texas, to Harold and Jenna Welch. Inspired by her second grade teacher, she earned a Bachelor of Science degree in education from Southern Methodist University in 1968. She then taught in public schools in Dallas and Houston. In 1973 she earned a master of library science degree from the University of Texas at Austin and worked as a public school librarian in Austin…”
Hmmm…two very different ladies, it seems, doesn’t it? One is practically an ambassador with multi-lingual and multi-culturalness oozing out of every pore, while the other seems…well, average. I mean, come on! A librarian and teacher…you can’t get more average than that. Theresa sounds like a pretty cool momma by comparison. Just think of how the World-at-Large would be impressed at her credentials: speaks five languages, grew up in South Africa, worked for the U.N., and involved in a global company (ketchup, anyone?). If America was a giant business, and the First Lady was the de-facto Most-Important-Advisor to the President, then it seems logical to have Mrs. Kerry as our Mom-in-chief…right?
Well, no, it doesn’t. And here’s why: Americans like their First Ladies relatable. “What do ya’ mean?” you might ask. They don’t have any official roles, do they? It shouldn’t even matter, by any coldly logical analysis. Do all our First Ladies have to be as gregarious as Mrs. Carol Brady? As handy at the sewing machine as Mrs. Walton, or even as resourceful as Mary Tyler Moore?
What if, as in the case of Mrs. Kerry, she has an awesome resume?
The truth is, my fine voting friends, is that deep down, in our Apple-pie-eating, Mariners-cheering, Diet-coke-drinking selves, we all want a mom-like First Lady. A smash–bang background is not enough. Now, I’m sure Theresa is a wonderful mother and all-round great person. But you want somebody your mom would feel comfortable hanging out with. You know what I mean. Ideally, the American First Lady should be somebody who you could invite to your mom’s book club, block party, or game night. If the potential First Lady lacks this everyday-momminess, it’s really hard to earn or prove it. Theresa doesn’t, but Laura does, and in spades. I encourage you to vote with your gut on this one, and for all moms everywhere, go with the First Lady who’s the most normal.
Or, in other words, most like your own mom.
What do you think? Voting for a First Lady = First Mother to the nation?
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