Confessions of an "Idol" addict

It's corny, it's predictable, it's often ear-piercing, but many of us can't get enough of it. Yup, it's "American Idol." Season 8 of America's most-watched TV show is under way. Check this space for news, video clips and take-no-prisoners critiques. And your commentary is vital too!

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January 12, 2009 12:14 PM

A primer for "American Idol" newbies: Just give in to it

Posted by Bob Payne

KEVIN WINTER / GETTY IMAGES

Season 7 winner David Cook.

So you've seen all the commercials on Fox and you know the "American Idol" season premiere is coming. Maybe you've heard your co-workers talking about the show and either felt left out or, alternatively, annoyed.

If you think it's time to finally enter the heaven/hell of reality TV and tune in, here's what you need to know:

1. If there's one word to sum up the whole experience, it's MANIPULATION. Contestants are toyed with, and so are you, the viewer. Strangely, many viewers get a kind of perverse thrill out of being manipulated, but I won't get into that here.

2. Admittedly, it's all glorified karaoke. This is not the place to find singer-songwriter types with fresh ideas and unusual styles. One of the most intriguing contestants last year was Josiah Leming (see video here): He wasn't the most polished performer, and crashed and burned within some of Idol's restrictions, but he's written his own songs and showed the kind of artistic integrity that gets ignored by this show.

3. The judges: Randy Jackson is usually supportive, and when he's harsh he manages to temper it. Paul Abdul is the cheerleader, and seems to have a good heart. Simon Cowell plays bad cop, saying he's just being honest. And new to the mix this year is Kara DioGuardi.

4. The first several weeks of the show feature first-round auditions, and that means this is the time for the most dramatic "crash-and-burns." To me this falls into the category of shows like "America's Funniest Home Videos." If you enjoy watching dubbed home videos of babies doing funny things, then you'll probably enjoy apparently delusional "singers" make fools of themselves.

5. After the first few weeks and you've gotten to know the contestants better, you become strangely invested in your favorite singers. You cheer when they get raves, and you cringe when they miss a lyric or get negative criticism. You argue with your co-workers about who is better. You begin to question your own sanity.

Items 6-10 after the jump...

6. Somewhere along the way, you are treated to some revelatory moments. The stars align and someone turns in a performance that just blows you away. Examples last season were David Archuleta's "Imagine, David Cook's "Hello," and Jason Castro's "Hallelujah."

7. Host Ryan Seacrest is an automaton, an automaton with very good pronunciation.

8. When it's revealed that someone is singing a song by Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey or Celine Dion, you can kiss that someone goodbye.

9. About the voting: It can be done via phone, text message or online software, and the jury is still out on whether anything other than phone and text is screened out by the show. Last year there were 97.5 million votes cast for the finale. The voting doesn't begin until a field of 36 is picked from the auditions.

10. Why you might become addicted: You see yourself in the contestants. Your dreams, your joys, your disappointments.

Picture yourself as an "American Idol"

Even if you can't sing a lick, you can still dream of being a star. Throughout this month you can have your picture taken in front of an "Idol" backdrop at the Westfield Southcenter mall in Tukwila.

Photos can then be uploaded to the "Share Your Voice" photo gallery here. I can't find a gallery of submitted photos yet, however, which is probably a good thing.

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